An official six-page guide on how to make the perfect cup of tea yesterday won the British Standards Institute an international award for long windedness.
The 5,000-word essay, BS6008: Method for Preparation of a Liquor of Tea, saw off a host of wordy opponents to win the Ig Nobel literary award - an American spoof on the prizes for scientific and artistic excellence. The guide was selected after meeting the criterion of being a feat that "cannot or should not be reproduced".
The institute's Washington representative was symbolically pelted with dry tea bags as he accepted the award at a ceremony in Massachusettes. In London, the institute reacted with good grace. "We are delighted to have been recognised for what is the very important task of setting out the standards required to produce a proper cup of tea," said a spokesman, Steve Tyler.
"We do not take these matters lightly. A group of experts was convened to decide on the procedures necessary to make the perfect brew, and explaining the results to the world is a task that needs to be done in the fullest detail."
BSI 6008 was drawn up to set a standard for professional tea testers. The pot must be "of white porcelain or glazed earthenware, with its edge partly serrated and provided with a lid, the skirt of which fits loosely inside".
Accompanying scale drawings show how "a small hole to allow air to enter when the liquor is being poured" is required, before adding: "Tests for sensory perceptions are not to be rushed."
Among other winners were Len Fisher of Bristol university, who took the physics prize for finding the best technique to dunk a biscuit before it reduces to a sticky mess and naming the most suitable brands, and a Canadian academic who picked up the sociology prize for his PhD on doughnut shops.
BS 6008: the abridged version
Use 2g of tea - plus or minus 2% - for every 100ml of water.
Tea flavour and appearance will be affected by the hardness of the water used.
Fill the pot to within 4-6mm of the brim with freshly boiling water.
After the lid has been placed on top, leave the pot to brew for precisely six minutes.
Add milk at a ratio of 1.75ml of milk for every 100ml of tea.
Lift the pot with the lid in place, then "pour tea through the infused leaves into the cup".
Pour in tea on top of milk to prevent scalding the milk. If you pour your milk in last, the best results are with a liquor temperature of 65-80C.